I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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