if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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