If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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