Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
