you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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