i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
