Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
