Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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