Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
