Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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