I'm lost and stupid without you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
