She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
