Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
