After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
