she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
