Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
