I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
honey bunches of taint.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
