is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
