im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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