i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
