Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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