My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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