I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
