3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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