Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
