hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
