Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
