people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
