There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
