so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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