It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
