How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
