He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
