I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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