every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
