Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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