i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
