How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
