After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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