need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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