Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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