Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
