i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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