my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
