You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
