If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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