I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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