dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
