the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
