Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont even know how to be here
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
