do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
