I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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